Not Fair!

"It's not fair!"

I hear this complaint often in my career as a Domestic Goddess. When you parent three kids, fairness becomes a balancing act. Last week, it wasn't fair that I fed my five year olds fish before my three year olds. 

After several minutes of her crying and me explaining and apologizing I finally said "kid, life's   not fair, get used to it" and left it at that. I realized that the sooner my kids learn this, the better off they'll be.

Fairness cannot be controlled. Life will at some point hand you a stinking bouquet of "not fair". How you handle it, is completely up to you. 

That's the message I am trying to teach my kids and, to be honest, myself. I abhor unfairness, life is tough enough without having the chips stacked against you. 

Last year my son was reprimanded by his teacher with a note sent home for me to sign. The note explained that my eldest was in trouble for horseplay. My kid argued with what his teacher wrote, explaining that while in line, some kids were shoving and he was pushed from behind and fell into a locker. I called the teacher to get the story.


Her:

"I was in the classroom and heard a loud bang, when I came out, your son was on the floor after ramming a locker, he was fooling around".

Me:     

"You didn't actually witness him fooling around, how do you know he wasn't shoved?" 

Her:

"I didn't have to witness it, I saw him on the floor and heard the bang"

I wanted to reach through the phone and choke her for being so... idiotic, the unfairness of it all. While throttling her would have made me feel immensely better, it wouldn't have done any good.


I ended our conversation with a "I disagree with you, but since neither one of us saw what happened, let's just put it behind us" and sat my son down for a chat.


I told him that I believed him and she was being unfair. We talked about how sometimes you are stuck with someone in a position of power who abuses it, and that sometimes people make mistakes and act unfairly. I asked him to let it go and promised him that we would come up with a plan if she did it again.


I would like my kids to have a quiet grace but a strong resolve when being treated unfairly. I want to teach them to walk the line between righteous indignation and indifference. To get what they want from the situation without letting it get to them. I want these qualities for myself.


I won't read the newspapers because I get so angry. Next time you see some crazy chick yelling at her paper in a restaurant, it's probably me, sorry about scaring your family.


My anger makes me want to do something about it, to make changes. Whether that be in my life or for a cause. What I want to learn is how to not let it negatively affect me, to pick my battles and let the rest go.


Yesterday, I took the kids for smoothies, we were next to order when this guy walks in, just as the till opens up, he cuts in front of us. I say "excuse me, but we were here first". He doesn't even look back at me when he says "f*#^ off".


How dare he! With my kids there! Oh, I wanted to destroy him. I kept my mouth shut for the kids, but launched into a invective in my head that would make Mike Tyson cry.


Once we get our smoothies, I herd the kids back to the car, just in time to see Mr. Potty Mouth ram my passenger side with his car door, get in and drive away. Barely keeping my temper in check I go to the door praying for no damage. I see an angry bright red paint streak etched on my silver door.


"Damn! Now we have to pay for that, not fair!"


"Mommy, life's not fair, get used to it" my three year old tells me wisely.