If I had only known...

Like any mom, I wouldn't trade any of my kids for the world. Growing up, I was never really around kids, until I had some. Here is my list of things I wish I knew before I had kids. 

• Toddlers are like tiny drunk people.  They drool, you can't understand or reason with them, they fall down a lot, and they puke suddenly, without warning, or reason. 
• A twelve year old boy's concept of clean includes fungus. 
• Toddlers think paint and poop are the same thing, and they want to decorate! Fun!
• You can never get rid of the baby pooch.  
• Your children will always have more stuff than you do, and wreck the stuff you have.
• Newborns are boring. 
• Kids want to give everything a bath. Including new iPods.
• Little girls have the ability to pierce a brain with their screams.
• On any given day, you're likely to wake up to something gross being thrust in your face.
• Accidentally using a three year olds napkin may be viewed as a hostile action.
• 5 year old's are made of knees and elbows.
• Even if you're staring right at them, a preschooler can't see you until you say "what". 
• Laundry reproduces faster than rabbits. 
• The harder it is to clean, the more kids will want to play with it.  
• Baby boys express love with pee in the face.
• It's easier to coordinate a space mission, than to get all the kids smiling at the camera for a photo.
• It's totally bloody worth it!

Please feel free to share the things you wish you had known before having kids.