New Year, New Promises... stream of consciousness...

Stream of Consciousness Sundays is an idea I got from Adventuroo.com. Basically, you set a timer and type while it's going, no editing, no stopping... sounds like fun, and since I spend hours editing myself, this should be interesting... but I'm gonna add pictures afterwards, cause that just makes it cool. 

The toasts have been made, he hangovers had and half the resolutions broken... This year I want to put it in writing, that makes it more real... my list of promises I make to me for 2011... 

1.   I will love me... the gooey, giggly, stupid love that you feel when your 13 for some silly boy... I wa|nt to look in the mirror and be grateful that I am in the same room with me... I want me to be the greatest thing in my life for the next year... wghich means, being someone worthy of that kind of love.... sounds like a great challenge... 

This is an important one for me. I want to be positive, not more positive, positive... happy, uplifted, uplifting, enlightened... I want to be a person that people want to be around, that I want to be around... that I want to be around. I don't want to judge myself based on crap, meaning anything that doesn't come from within... I have spent years hating me for being overweight, ignoring all the great stuff about me because of being fat... Like the fat completely erased everything good and made me less... and it's not just weight, it's everything superficial... if I have a zit, ugly hair, old clothes... yadda yadda yadda, it's all just bullshit and no longer worthy of my energy. 

I want to improve my inside so much that my outside ceases to be important... who cares if I am overweight or zitty if I am positive, happy, living!...  and if you do care... get the fuck out of here, I don't want, need or invite your kind... this is not the blog for you... If you've seen The Color Purple (and if you haven't, it's homework), you remember when Celie said "I might be poor, ugly, a woman, but I'm here, dear God, I am here!". That's how I feel... I am here! I want that to be my motto... I want to celebrate my existence and yours too for that matter.

2. I want to be involved in making the world better. Sounds like a grand plan, but can be done in the smallest of ways... So this year, I want to don my red underwear and blue tights and do something, anything meaningful, as long as it benefits another... and I encourage you guys to do the same... get off your bums and improve the world... 

3. I will make music this year... my own music... and I will publish it on here for your entertainment... laugh at it or love it, baby... I have always loved music, poured over lyrics, listened to the same songs over and over again... I breath music, but never learned to play or read it, which I used as an excuse to not write my own songs... also, I thought they would sound stupid and not be good enough, crap, crap and more crap... Whatever, I am doing this for me.

4. I will no longer give a crap what others think of me... My opinion of me will be the one that matters... I will examine criticisms carefully, instead of blindly believing it and hurting myself with it... I use people's criticisms of me like a cutter uses a knife... it's incredibly damaging and abusive and I won't do it to myself anymore... by the end of this year, I will feel valuable and worthwhile. 

I started editing myself without realizing it... oh well, next Sunday, I can try all over again... 

Happy New Year Everyone, hope this year kicks the crap out of last year for you! 

Love, 

Me!