Ever get the feeling that if someone really looked into it, you would be found unfit in some way, shape or form? I do... daily... It's a terrible feeling... like you're constantly failing your kids.... it starts at pregnancy...
"What pregnancy vitamins did you take before you got pregnant?"
"None, I thought I'd wait until I was actually pregnant before downing vitamins"
"Oh No! What have you done, you're supposed to start taking folic acid at least six months before you get pregnant. If not, your baby could be at risk for all sorts of problems"
And so it begins, the noose of guilt and worry that all moms carry around their necks, if one noose doesn't get you another noose will, because at some point you will be convinced that not doing something perfectly or at all, will damage them terribly, and your right, neglect and abuse will cause damage, though rarely permanent... as a parent it's impossible to do everything "they" say you have to to ensure Bobby's intelligence, health, or safety, and we feel absolutely sick about it... because we are being told that we are dooming them to a terrible life where they never have enough... or we're putting them at risk, or not cooking the perfect foods or diet, not enough free time, not enough music time, not enough sports, is she overweight? is he playing too many video games, guilt for playing any video games, the house is too messy, lawn not cut, deck painted, and it snowballs on, and on.... and we allow these "helpful" mommy nooses to slip tighter and tighter so we work harder and faster to be better, but we're so frigging tired we can't stand... then it's off to the Doctor for a perscription for this or that to make you feel or not feel... when what you really need is a good fucking nap and some free fucking time! Am I the only one pissed off by this?... Next time you see a prescription commercial count how many side effects... millions are putting this crap into their bodies... causing thousands of times more side effects than the one symptom you're trying to cure... WHY???... it's downright idiotic... use that thing that's rattling around in your melon! start prioritizing your life... do the work, get your shit together and decide what's really important, what needs to go and what needs work... and get rid of the shit and the committments that make you miserable, and that don't fulfill you in some way, and if nothing fulfills you, get the hell off your ass and do something about it... don't wait... NOW... period... no buts! Your doing yourself and your kids a favour...
"What are you bringing for the Kindergarten Mom's Tea?"
"Nothing, I won't be coming?"
Why is that so hard to say... why don't we feel confident enough to admit these Mommy events bore the hell out of us... (and I know some of you love these functions, yay... I don't). Why do we think admitting that we just aren't interested in spending 2 hours having tea in a room with 26 other moms discussing our kids means we don't love them enough. Just admit you'd rather have that 2 hours to be home watching something good, reading a great book or bouncing on the husband...
"You won't be coming?, but we discuss the year end bake sale at this tea"
"Plan it without me, I pvr-ed McDreamy, and then my hubby's getting nookie for killing a wasps nest... sorry, family first!"
What the hell are we feeling so bad about... I stupidly feel like a failure so often in a week that it eats at my self esteem... When this happens I take a good long hard look at my life and my kids lives.... do I fail?... sure... do I learn from my failures? usually... am I a better parent today than a decade ago? hell yeah! That's what matters... keep growing, learning, but put the guilt down... it doesn't happen overnight... Guilt is a big ugly bully that will eventually fold like a kitten if you challenge it, unless you truly have something to feel guilty about... didn't do the dishes? screw the guilt, didn't do the dishes for 3 months, you might have a problem... get some perspective, and then look in the damn mirror and change what you need to... You have your own compass of right and wrong... figure out where life works, without the guilt... I spent years feeling guilty about my hatred of cleaning, if I had enough money to sit on my ass all day and have someone cook and clean for my family I would be the happiest chickie in the world... I wouldn't care if we didn't have enough cash left over for Disneyland or Mexico, or even the mortgage... I wouldn't EVER have to cook or clean again!!!!!!!... When I say it aloud I hear choirs of Angels singing... and not one drop of guilt... Since I can't afford a cook or a mail, I have to try to find fun ways to do it less often... like cooking a lot of meals at once, or doing a mass clean once a week... I don't believe that gourmet meals or a germ free home translates into love...
The Mommy noose never changes, first it's SIDS and staircases, next choking and drowning, then sports, bikes or skateboards, and before you know it it's drunk drivers and drugs... those threats and dangers are always going to be there, there's not a damn thing you can do about it. What good is this uber-guilt doing for your kids, your health? It's not doing any good, in fact, this kind of behavour can't be anything but damaging... If you are feeling guilty, worried or afraid all the time, then your kids are too... Educate yourself, use your common sense... Drinking hose instead of bottled water will not kill your kids... knowledge is power and you are your kids greatest influence for a short while, take advantage of it while you can, in a positive way that encourages growth... too soon, you loose them to their peers... Take responsibility for your shit, so it doesn't become your kids shit... because it will!!! and step away from the kool-aid!
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